Driving in India - a guide, part one
Other road users - vehicular
When driving in India, it is imortant to be aware of some of the customs and heirarchy that operate on what at first glance appears to be a lawless chaotic maelstrom of noise and danger. This part of the guide will deal with other road users and where you as an alien tuk tuk driver stand amongst them.
The simple answer is nowhere.Â
 Bicycles are everywhere and command certain respect as they are exposed to a greater extent to the dangers of the road. The bicycles are generally single geared, carved from a single block of iron and carry at least two people, the pillion passenger always facing the kerb. Bicycles can also be used for freight, including a consignment of 30ft bamboo poles - very enterprising.
 Above cycles are cycle rickshaws. Universally operated by wizened, short, lean Gandhi look-a-likes with poor dental hygeine, these guys are tough. They are also useless in a monsoon (see Varanasi post) but they are working and therefore given road-room. Working rickshaws, both passenger and freight are next. Freight rickshaws are slightly bigger and always poorly maintained. These things cough clouds of diesel smoke at you as they trundle their load of weird stuff to its destination. The passenger rickshaws are another breed. These guys are the Special Forces of the road. No gap is too small to fit their rickshaw and its 28 passengers through. They pride themselves on speed and the rich decoration with which they adorn their rickshaws. Some look like a 1970s Elvis has exploded in the back. Few use lights, but all use the horns. All the time.
Above rickshaws in the heirarchy, if not in size, are motorbikes. Again, horn use is mandatory and it is worth dwelling on this a moment. The horn is used for a number of very specific reasons in India. The most common are: I am here; I am going; you should go; you should stop; something has fallen off; I can't stop; mind the goat. The hard part is divining which signal you are being given. Motorbikes are ubiquitous, especially in the cities, if, indeed, you can have especially ubiquitous. They are useful vehicles for taking the two kids to school and dropping wife at the shops in the same journey. And if the goat needs a lift then there's always room.
Cars are reasonably uncommon, mostly because everyone has a motorbike. The weird thing about cars is that they almost always have no more passengers than they were designed to carry. Cars are dangerous to cross-country rickshawists because they travel faster than everything else and so you check your mirror and see nothing but moments later a car is overtaking or undertaking you or both.
Minibuses. Only mini in size, these workhorses carry huge numbers of people who use window ledges, the roof and the rear bumper as access points. Slow to get up to speed, they are good for generating a huge "whoaaahhheeeyyy" from the throng of passengers as two westerners in a gaudy tuk pass.
 This just leaves three vehicles. The Lorry is everywhere. Gaudily painted, ill lit and with a stupendous range of air horn tunes they provide colour to the Indian Road scene. Their drivers have to be adept at changing enormous wheels using no more than a stick, and also at picking bits of spattered cow out of the grill. They also have no idea of their overtaking capabilities but this does not deter them. On dual carriageways some drive only in the outside lane, changing their minds at the moment you have lost patience and started your undertaking manoeuver with the full 7 horsepower at your disposal. They are also liable to overtake you about four feet before the slip road they want to use, thus forcing a small but necessary detour for the frustrated rickshaw runner.
Of the remaining two vehicles, the Cart is next. Drawn by horses (sometimes) bullocks (mostly) and camels (in Rajasthan) they don't care. They don't care if you are facing them or overtaking them. They have stuff to do and they will do it at 3mph.Â
This just leaves Coaches. These are driven by the Jedi Masters of the Indian road universe. Utterly fearless and utterly insane a coach driver will think nothing of overtaking an entire row of traffic, around a bend over a hill and then pushing in at the front of whatever was holding things up. What the guys on the roof must think is probably best not wondered at.
Despite the variety of drivers and vehicles, a few things are common amongst them. First is the horn (or bell on a bike). far more important than the brake and the oly bit of HP Custard we worried about breaking. Second is indicators. These are used sparingly and never for the correct purpose. I have yet to see anyone indicate to make a turning. The main use is that when I am parked, or going slowly and can see you want to overtake, I give you a signal to let you know it is safe to pass. This is by putting the right indicator on. This has caused both of us to slam the brakes on at times before determining what the signal meant.
Lastly, lights. These are again rarely used as apparently it wastes the battery?!? However, flashing your lights trumps even the loudest horn and means simply "I am coming through" A mixture of all of these has probably led to most of the many head-on crashes we have seen the aftermath of.
Another form of indication is the hand signal. When cutting in following an overtake, pulling out to join a main road, turning right, or in any interaction with traffic, pedestrians, drivers and passengers alike will extend a langorous hand in the general direction of traffic that is bearing down on them. This means 'I am about to do this, and will not now look in your direction again. Stop or crash.', and can only be neutered by the special Jedi coach drivers, who have mystical powers to override the hand.
We'll devise part two over a few beers tonight and post it soon.
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