We're Alive

Sporadic internet and no phone. should arrive in shillong in 2 days.

 Riots are not ok

SMS Update

Thoroughly recommend brick-sized lonely planet india - there's no finer implement for pulverising mosquitos.

Dont worry. Everything will be fine. Just pay us 350 rupee and keep driving for 20min.

So upon beginning the Rickshaw race we had a couple of rules. I know,not very adventurous of us but they were mainly. No smoking before midday and No night driving. Oh and no driving down the wrong side of the road. We have since demolished about 500 cigarettes, driven at night everyday and frequently flirted with the paint job of numerous oncoming hedges. moving hay bales that is. Alana tooke the wheel for a while and squeezed still unnamed shaw through an oncoming ata truck, one speeding ambassador cab carrying three gangsters, a cart of bananas two schoolgirls on a bike and a collection of bullocks at 40km/hour with the handbrake on. Whilst smoking a cigarette.

 This morning began with bodysurfing in Bay of Bengal. Then many repairs. Handbrakes repaired just in time for our planned inland mountain assault. Alana worried about ability of tuktuks to outrun elephants and monkey roadblocks but pressing on regardless. mystery kaboom putter putter sound still an enigma. But tuks of hazard have gone outin sympathy and adopten new mystery sound of their own. Pleasant chaps.

 Reached Orissa Border. Bryan tries the tried old fashion of barging through solid barrier but foiled by overstacked roofracks. We stop. after much headwobbling and chai drinking we pay 'entry fee' to border guards. Waved onwards. Roads are fin everything ok, town 25km away youll be fine. Policeman asks fopr kai;s number. kai tells him he is gay they shake hands and pat each other nappropriately and we keep moving.

Roads are not ok.

Can't stop now this is bandit country.

 

Ongole to Eloru. bk perfects his mario kart strategy/

LIFE IS AWESOME. eloru is just peachy. Currently tearing through Andhra Pradash. Phone not working. Apparently the India forgot to tell us we needed to register it.

Highway banan fights continue. Accosted again by tenacious local with monkey grip. Almost gained another team member via 40km/h entry strategy. Indians are crazy people. Overtake then slow down to 5km/h creating flammable roadblock just to geta good lock at the lanky red head driving the inappropriate vehicle through a nation wide truck strike. Then pulling out to cut you off and forcing you to side swipe yaks.

Preventative digestive measures in form of out of date roadside snacks aka cardboard. Soaking up the india gas. Dinner for under $3 to feed 5 starving whiteys. underground pool hall hustlers. Disco ball procured from fruiterer

Alana lost a shoe somewhere and tried to hi five a cow at 50km/h. Not simultaneously.

Bandits and monkeys.

350k slammed at a breeze fluttering 40k/hour makes for 14 hour epic drive session. tuks of hazard cede military advantage 1 plastic water gun at a time. Mountains. Monkey roadblocks. Monkey knife fights. Kaboom noise periodically and then free coasting down mountian roads into oncoming truck/bus/monkey/aids dog combination.  

Cab hijacked for 4th time in 4 days on entering Vishkapatnam. This time by military man directing convoy that appears to be carrying a bomb.  Result = worlds largest double take. Bandits begin to circle us. Beginning with belted abandits carrying "police" insignia and a whistle who fine our comrades for drinking beer whilst motoring. Terrible sports. Settle for enough bakshish to buy themselves a round of beer.

 Meeting of minds at the autorickshaw anual convention in the middle of the highway at approximatley 9pm. False diagnosis of the tuktuk kaboom sound that has been plaguing us for the past 5 days. Our gratitude is undeserved. I smell the sea. TOmorrow we shall wash india out of our nostrils in the bay of bengal.

Lost and heading south?

Got lost in Macherla then drove 300km south instead of north. Ended up driving through cancer clud of mining district to get to Ongole. Hijacked by disabled child. Drove over mountains. Nudged by cow, motorbik and bus at high speed on highways. Almost beaten by truckstrikers who thought we were breaking a picket line. Survived with lots of waves and "we are craxy" mouthing gestures. Roofracks are slowly crushing the cab and pressing on bryan's cranium with every bump. Caught bollywood epic on roof top bar in otherwise shit hole of a town. Tuks of Hazard still with us providing tunes and hispeed banana fights mario kart style on the highway.

Then there were 2 and then there were 3 again and then we found India...

 

So a few changes are afoot to the Bollyfonte. A  rundown on what has befallen us in past 2 weeks:

- 2 weeks to go: Laura gets engaged. Yay! And a job in Fiji. Yay! And picks her life adventuring over this pseudo comic book adventuring path of the rickshaw. Less yay.

- 10 days to go: Bryan has beers with Jimmy.

- 9 days to go: Jimmy quits his job, moves out of his house and buys a ticket to India with the intent of moving to Thailand forever afterwards. Three adventurers once more. Jimmy fronts cash for deposit. BK and Alana love jimmy a lot. 

- 6 days to go: Bryan lands in Bangkok. Christmas! Drinking.................................................................................................................. biker bar..............................diving helmet............. orange loafers....................................... burger king confiscated at the airport as we almost miss our plane.

- 3 days to go:  Alana and BK call Jimmy from singapore to reassure him we havent forgotten he is arriving in India on New years eve and will send him details of where to find us we promise!! Jimmy is mumbling happy noises 10 hours into drinking session with Irish. Alana and BK faceplant in Chennai. 

- 2 days to go: I have bad karma because i said too loudly on a bus that the nonchalant cow (which almost killed us) has an ego problem and then disturbed the devotees at our cheapass ashram accomodation when i screamed at 830am thanks to an indecently sized spider parachuting onto my face. BK and Alana go adventurist spotting... the rickshaw strut is distinctive... meet stew and dave in a bar... three other potential rickshawers seen ambling down promenade. Clothing too bright for normal people. Look forward to seeing them on the starting line...

Over and out

xxx

Krispy Karma!

Whilst I recline in Bangkok grilling tuk tuk drivers for rally racing techniques, watching Bangkok Dangerous for strategies on turning the humble rickshaw into a getaway car etc etc... BK and Laura have been selling donuts to impoversished students who dont know any better! Yay! Thanks guys... and with that** we have passed 1000 bucks!**

 Hooray hooray! And tally ho to the next fundraising shenanigan.....Team Bollyfonte is selling fun and games, snags, booze and enlightenment for a mere $20. Stay tuned lovelies.