A final word: madness

Final thoughts on the rickshaw run

So, we have finished up and many times we have mentioned a final post being put up, summarising the frequent nuances of India that took our surprise that were never really outstanding enough to mention in our trip posts.

India. You crazy. A sub-continent of multiple languages and cultures which is so interesting and fun and in Pete's words "always goes that little bit further". Just when you thought the traffic couldn't get worse, it does. When you think the food is too spicy, it just gets hotter. When you think your diarrhoea is finishing, it sadly, does not. But like many places, has its fair share of shit to deal with and socioeconomic complexities. How a country with such profound poverty can be running a space programme and have such a big military is vexing. We have seen poverty like nowhere else. India has a lot of contrast and we have seen a lot of it.

States travelled through: Meghalaya Assam West Bengal Bihar Uttar Pradesh Madhyar Pradesh Andhra Pradesh Maharashtra Karnataka Tamil Nadu Kerala

Languages: Bengali Hindi Marathi Tamil Telugu Kanneda Malayalam English ...I think.

Selected adjectives used: Dirty Noisey Awful Confusing Colourful Interesting Pretty Foetid Crazy Crappy Shite Lush Dry Wet Stinky Foul Undesirable Mad Vexing Impoverished Tiring

Some notes on things. Moustache catalogues: every now and then we would find a billboard which we could only describe as a moustache catalogue. Sometimes dozens of blank expression passport-esque pictures of men with varying degrees of moustache and otherwise incomprehensible script conveying some message which we don't understand. As the common variable of all these men is the moustache, we can only conclude that this is what it is advertising. I once saw one in English which said "Happy 70th birthday Pradeep!" But one billboard is not a good sample size, particularly given how much the moustache catalogues varied through the provinces.

Infrastructure: everywhere in India there appeared to be a lot of public and private infrastructure projects underway. Buildings, roads, bridges, schools, whatever. Almost all of them concrete and steel rebar, almost all were not actively being constructed and half way through. This leads to the conclusion of construction beginning but running out of funding, or construction complete so the building has been neglected and returned to a state of being half built. Same result, different path. All buildings, even those complete, have rebar sticking out through the roof and sometimes the sides in the hope of, at some stage, an extension. Public infrastructure projects such as half-built roads leave rows of rebar sticking out of the dirt, leading to the appearance of...

Rebar plantations: we surmise that the amount and spacing of rebar coming from the ground can only be plantations of rebar being cultivated as a new commodity for economic development. As far as we can tell, the rebar is planted from a cutting in a bed of concrete, which grow and are further fertilised with layers of concrete until a column forms (much like growing leeks). To keep them upright, previously harvested rebar is strung between plantations and companion planting with wooden poles supports a floor of concrete, about one storey high. The spaces that are created by mixtures of rebar and concrete are called (by the ill-informed) buildings, and are habitable. However, that rebar always remains growing out the roof indicates that this growth will continue and requires cultivation.

Population growth: both Pete and daddy c have remarked bewilderment at how a place like India could possibly need fertility clinics. In actual fact, Indians seem to multiple in the presence of a foreigner, particularly when the foreigner is driving a rickshaw, speaking some Hindi, filling petrol and, worse, trying to fix the rickshaw. Firstly one will show up and begin staring silently at either the foreigner or the activity. Then another. And another. Then another two, three, five... Until a gang of 2 dozen are gathered around, talking to each other, and in some cases, offering help. We don't know where they came from but they weren't there before, leading us to conclude that we are some kind of Indian-generating catalyst. And then...

Selfies: happen once there is a critical mass. 'Selfie' is the term used, regardless of who is taking or taken in the photograph. Once critical mass is found, an explosion of flashes of bright white light erupt from the crowd, directed at the foreigners. It is mandatory, at this stage, to smile and join in. If in a rush, merely do not stop the rickshaw, even if broken. If cross a state border post- definitely encourage critical mass. Avoids bribery. There is a clear band where this catalyst is most effective, between Madhyar Pradesh and Karnataka. Frequently this photography happened while driving- a car overtaking notices the foreigners, pulls in front, slows down and we are forced to overtake while the driver takes photos of us driving past. Not satisfied with such an angle, the driver then accelerates to overtake and simultaneously take photos or video. This may happen with the photographer riding a motorbike, or a car in a small street with a large bus coming the other direction. This frustrates the foreigners.

Education: everyone seems to want education. There are advertisements for courses everywhere. Put another way, everyone wants to provide education. These signs, listing degrees available, are stuck on power poles or small billboards all around towns, sometimes on houses and rebar plantations. The quality of this education can't be very good and certainly appears unregulated since so many unusually named "universities" or "institutions", also adorned with passport-esque photos. They just seem a bit unprofessional, but maybe that is what people think when they come to Australia and see pictures of people wearing small tasseled blackboards on their heads, wearing bedsheets and smiling like nincompoops.

Concrete advertisement: another form of advertising which is everywhere. S could also be termed rebar fertiliser advertising, but clearly labelled concrete. The different pictures and designs of advertising for such a seemingly mundane product is worthy of a photo-essay and I believe Pete is developing one. I am told that this is because a client has to source all the materials for builders to do a construction or renovation. Something, but not a lot of other materials advertised. Only sometimes there were advertisements for rebar saplings.

Spelling epidemic. So much, it is everywhere and I hope that the national centre for spelling control is taking some outbreak control measures. How such an easily solvable epidemics can become so out of control is beyond me. Now that we have found a cure - the Internet - there should be no more cases of spelling and grammar inconsistencies. Incorrect "use of" quotation marks "is" rife.... Such as a label on a fuel tank for a diesel truck: "diesel". Of course it is! Why are quotations needed? "Please pay driver before entry" (sic). Pliz is a good one, but intentional. Restorant might be another. I can't presently think of any others but I know that my comrades will present some. How hard can it be to look up a word or phrase on the Internet before spending so much to advertise it? The high incidence of the word 'cum' in inappropriate places (all) is also a concern which all visitors should be vaccinated against.

Head wobbling: yes, I brought it up. Someone has to say something. It is quite confusing, but usually means 'yes', I think. I was in a bus on my last day and asked the ticket man if my stops next. Head wobble. "I'm sorry, I don't understand" I said. Head wobble, expressionless. "Could you TELL me what the next stop is?". Expressionless head wobble, higher oscillation frequency. I'm not sure if there is significance to the period and amplitude of the wobble, but it does come in varying degrees... Which for some people can be disturbing and I wonder if an ambulance is required. Then at the last minute- recovery. It is clearly something that I am culturally unaware to, because whole conversations can be done in this way. I never did get it quite right. Again, it must be odd for someone outside our culture to come and see us saying no by shaking our heads in different ways. Just as our preponderance to using metal sculptures to stab rice. And use toilets. But that is for another day.

Kilometres covered: 3,500 Hotel refusals: 16 Beers consumed in the whole trip: 3... Despite our best efforts Beef consumed: none Good time had: ask the others

Wheel Enlightenment

Long Story For A Uneventful Day

Quiet, slow day today as we're getting close to the finishing line and we have a couple of days up our sleeve. And we don't want to give back Wild Ellie until we have to. But this is India (TII), so even a slow quiet day is made colourful by encounters with locals.

We got up so late, we had brekky at our hotel, which didn't start until 8am. Then tested Wild Ellie's couple of horsepower driving up a big hill near Mysuru to the temple at the top. It was a bit of a disappointment at the top. A bit un-enlightened of us, we had expectations of the top, being clean, green with a lonely temple. Instead we found a mess of shops, touts, cars, busses, fumes, noise and obligatory rubbish. So very Indian. And there were pilgrims. We saw a huge stone carved bull on the way down, which Pete got photos of from every angle before noticing a No Photos sign. No problem, it's not the first or most significant rule we've broken in India, probably down there close to the bottom of a very long list actually. For example, yesterday I drove the wrong way up a one way exit ramp to an elevated highway intentionally, it cut a long time from our trip. And TII.

We picked up a few more items of silk* before fueling up and high-tailing it out of Mysuru and Karnataka state.

We headed south toward Ooty in the mountains, and made it up to Gudalur in Tamil Nadur state. It's at 1000m altitude and in the jungle. We passed through the Bandipur National Park which is also a tiger reserve. It was really beautiful, mountainous forest and Wild Ellie powered up the slopes. But we had to stop at one point to refuel, against the direction of No Stop signs every kilometre. The tigers didn't get us. We saw elephants next to the road a few times, some peacocks and spotted deer. It was nice to stop just to hear the jungle symphony rather than our one cylinder two stroke engine.

Tonight we shopped for a Kurta for Pete and at the same time enjoyed (it never gets tiring) observing locals go through the seven stages of acceptance of the fact that we're driving a rickshaw across their country. It starts with misunderstanding, they normally seem to assume they don't understand us when we say auto rickshaw. I guess the concept of foreigners driving a rickshaw is unlikely. After a few repeats it sets in and they begin to go through surprise and questioning. This is followed by laugh and more questions. At this stage it goes full circle for a moment where they query that the communication was received correctly and they want evidence. We bust out phones with photos and the final phase appears to be an emotion leading to one's day being made. Then obligatory selfies must happen.

For dinner we found a place in which at the front a guy was taking various bits and pieces of veggies, roast chicken and rice and chopping them finely at blazing speed. I said to the others that the mix would be nice in a sanga (sandwich for those less Bogan than me). I copped some flak for that. Without any expectations how it would be served, we ordered it, sat down and it turned up between two bits of flatbread! A sanga!

Then while at the Kurta shop, we were asking the assistants there what our dinner was called due to their good English. After Pete and Uncle Red described dinner in intricate detail, expecting a fancy Indian dish answer, the guys said "that's a sandwich". A simultaneous burst of laughter ensued. I had the last laugh as agreed by all.

Talking food - as we move south, the food is getting spicier. There's not much you can get that doesn't make you break a small sweat. My tolerance for spicy food was not great before starting this and still has a bit to go it seems.

Oh, Uncle Red is now known as Agent Orange on account of his orange beard. He's now so 'oranje', could go fit in cheering on The Netherlands at the soccer without having to apply any face paint. We have a lot of facial hair between us, it'll be removed in Kochi in a post Rickshaw Run ritual by an old school barber with an old school blade. Then we may be permitted back into our homes by our wives.

(* Mysuru is, well, maybe famous, maybe just well known, maybe something in between, for it's silk work)

Mysore, Mysuru

Today was a relatively smooth day, mainly because we didn't do a lot of driving at all, preferring to stop in Mysuru (Mysore) to look around. Up early from our very dodgy roadside hotel, we arrived to our Mysuru hotel at about 10:00am, ready to explore. Mainly this involved wandering around the city market, a handicrafts place and some silk emporia. Although we did spend quite some time in the royal palace. It can not be said that team Wheel Enlightenment have not put effort into gifts for friends and relatives. Mysuru is know for silks, we deduce from the amount of silk stores and salespeople on street corners. Let me tell you, there is nothing quite so hilarious as three grown men, bearded, sweaty, dirt and tired, rolling into a store selling fine silks and sarees and trying to pick what might be best for their wives, with no idea. Consultation with each other was very serious on how to best choose, what pattern is too busy, fabric too thin or worn, and what colour scheme suits each recipient. This is a difficult exercise for us three who have no background knowledge in the subject.

Looks like Dr Dennis is beginning to slow down a little from 'stomach upsets' but admirably holding up despite the decreasing percentage of wellness, of which we are regularly reminded after each stop at a petrol station.

Palaces visited: 1 Silk emporia visited: 3 Buses hit: nearly 1 Price for 1g saffron: 245R = Au$5 Price in Australia: AU$121

In other news, Dr Dennis has found this to be helpful and informative: http://usingthetoiletinindia.blogspot.com.au/?m=1

Not Kunigal

Today, mostly driving on unexpectedly good roads. Thus, there was an uneventful 320 km from Hampi to Kunigal (one of the larger towns between Bengaluru and Mysuru). Things looked good, 5pm in a town where we had called ahead to secure a hotel.

Perhaps we should have been suspicious rather than pleased when the innkeeper told us over the phone "No problem, all the rooms are free." As it turns out, I'm told by my colleagues that I was spared a significant horror by being in charge of watching the rickshaw while they checked out the prices/rooms. Rough rating for the Durga Lodge 0.3/5 stars.

Perhaps the photographic evidence will be shared later. For my part, I was searching for the hotel car park, and managed to get the 'shaw up a narrow lane and over a crest before two things became clear: 1) the lane was a dead end 2) the reverse gear switch had failed Thankfully Ellie is of relatively lean construction and the three of us could make amends.

We then checked out the rather more fancily named hotel in town. It scored 0.36/5, on account of having electricity and an exceedingly seedy bar. So, onward to Yadiyur at the suggestion of helpful locals.

Hampi Temples and Indian Italian Expertise

 This morning we slept in til 7am and then had a refreshingly non-Indian breakfast in a touristey rooftop restaurant. After, we took the rickshaw to get the brakes fixed again. They did the job and we were on our merry way to go see some temples, with fully functioning brakes.

After parking wild Ellie at our hotel again, we began exploring Hampi on foot. It was nice to walk somewhere and not travel by rickshaw. On that topic, we ironically kept getting rickshaw drivers offering to drive us around. I kept perplexing them with the truth that we have our own; I don't think they were buying it.

Anyway the temples of Hampi are really nice, some are in pretty good condition and others dilapidated. They date back to the 15th century and made of solid marble and stone blocks. We spent the whole day doing this. It was hot and sunny, I think this affected us, as at the end of the day we were walking back and came across a large millipede doing/ejecting a poop, or at least that's what we thought it was. It provided some laughs.

Something noteworthy at dinner was the bruschetta I ordered. It came as a piece of white bread toast lathered in tomato sauce topped with mushrooms, capsicum, cauliflower and cheese. Reminded me of year 7 home economics: English muffin pizzas. But way worse. Anyway it discouraged me from deviating from eating Indian food in India. Oh and Pete attempted to invert his plate onto his lasagne, which was served in a metal bowl, to then reinvert it all and put the lasagne on his plate. This roused one of the waiters who promptly came and lectured Pete that lasagne is best in the metal bowl. He ate it out of the bowl. Lesson: Indians know how best to serve Italian food.

The longest day ever

Well that was an interesting day. Not least being that of it, 14 hours were spent driving. We left Tandur/Tandoor at 5:30am while only just dawn, thinking that we'd be in Hampi with plenty of time to spare. It was a nice morning cruise through the hills. Even stopped at one point to meet and photograph a bright green chameleon that Daddy C very nearly waffled on the road - but that is the chameleons fault. Meandered through sunflower fields through villages of all sizes with a goal to crossing a bridge near Raichur. Arrived, realised that the bridge was closed. Very disappointed. We just headed through a police checkpoint before the bridge but found that locals could go through only if on a motorbike of a certain height; which was very much lower than wild Ellie. So, with tears in our eyes we drive off into the sunset looking for another place to cross the river. After asking many people, we found that the nearest bridge was a bit to the west and that to save adding 70kms to our path (and about 1.5 hours to the day), we could take a road through the fields to the next bridge. Marked on the maps as a state highway, this was believable. The views were nice, but if this is a state highway then I will eat my hat. The roads were bad and sometimes not sure if they were actually roads since they could not easily fit two rickshaws abreast. God knows how we managed to pass an oncoming combine harvester. Several creek crossings provided a break in the non-stop rattling of wild Ellie, whose brakes don't work so well, neither the clutch, exhaust or windscreen. It then dawned on us all that if wild Ellie broke down where we were... "Equivalent 350kms out the back of Tennant creek" as Daddy C put it... We were stuffed. Then wild Ellie, wild as usual, ran out of fuel with no kerb and an extra wide tractor behind. Must do an extra-quick refuel... Nope, cant. Ellie is on too much of an angle off the road. Won't start. Must push back up onto road. Tractor still approaching, now with buffalo and cart too. Just gets worse. Finally able to refuel.... Nope... Funnel is broken, must mend immediately. Gaffa tape required. Alright ready to go... Nope. Pete has broken down in fits of laughter at the comedy of errors and is unretrievable. Got going... Now stuck behind tractor, buffalo and cart. Slow. Anyway 3 hours later, we made it back on track, not more than a few kilometres progressed but with a lot more life experience. This meant that Pete drove us into Hampi in darkness, rain and occasional blinding smoke, which we swore not to do but in this case found no options. Looking forward to a drink and a good meal... Only to find that Hampi is a dry, vegetarian town.

All this only to find that team Tiki Masala crossed the originally troublesome bridge just by asking the policemen nicely.

Creek crossings: 4 Bridges that ruined the day: 1 Pomegranates consumed: 2 Times we were disappointed by the road: 1 (whole day) Experience: priceless

Chicken Inception

Eventually we had to agree that three pumps on the break for a rapid stop was perhaps two too many, so we spent an hour of the morning at a regional mechanic getting the brakes adjusted ($2 AU well spent really). For good measure, we spent another $1 on welding together the roofing frame in two locations, as well as the driver's seat. Let it not be said that we aren't forward-thinking.

The day's driving was then mostly uneventful, aside from an accidental route change, and not making it to a large town at the end of the day. We instead found a small town with a hotel (Pargi), but decided to push 30 km on to Kodangal, whose only hotel was discontinued. Thus, it was instead to be 17 km off our route to a bigger town.

O' good fortune! A bit out of the way, sure. But no other team had the chance to sample delicious Tandoori chicken cooked in a tandoor oven in Tandur. 4.5/5 stars for the Lemon Tree Restaurant.

We considered a Bollywood film at the cinema, but instead opted to get a good night's sleep. Partially successful - only interrupted by your friendly neighbourhood passport and travel intentions review at 1am. As it turns out, I do have some advice for the Indian tourism and hospitality board.

Nagpur to Armur, not quite Nizamabad

The more astute among our readers will have noticed that posts are going in stops and starts, much like our journey. So we are back-dating some of them: be sure to check regularly because overall we will end up with one post for each day... But not on each day. For a day of almost entirely highway, today was remarkably interesting. Left Nagpur at a reasonable hour of about 5am... The teams that were at the same hotel had all left earlier which was a bit concerning, and we spent far too long looking for an ATM. It is quite difficult. We also needed petrol and new brakes. So it was a slow start... But at least the brakes weren't stopping us. After some time we did come to a little town which we will not likely ever know the name of, where people were very nice and a mechanic fixed the brakes while some fractures in the frame were welded. People were really nice here. In previous areas, being flagged down by people was not really a good thing. Now it is beginning to just mean that they want to look at us and take photos, even if it is from a moving vehicle. By the time we left Maharashtra, India had changed completely. It is now much greener, more hills, people are helpful and engaging, signs are in Hindi as well as some other script and roads are generally better. My limited Hindi is now mainly useless. We did a bit of off-road driving today to get to a big dam which was a good view and a good idea... Got bogged down once and quite some time was spent surrounded by herds of livestock and this meant a mad dash to nirzimabad, and we only made it to Armoor just by sunset and as a measure of how much better things have become, we asked people on the street for a local hotel and they told us where one is and we went there and got a place first try. Win.

Number of parts welded: 3 HERDS of livestock slowing us down: 4 Monsoonal rains driven through: 2 Idlis consumed: 2 Number of hotels attempted before being accepted: 0 'Selfies' taken by locals: many.

Another relatively quiet day

Today we drove to Nagpur, which is in the top 100 list of India's most liveable cities. Which sounds weird but upon arriving, I can see why. The road we came in on was a broad boulevard with traffic lights people actually obey. There isn't a tip next to the road or bags of garbage from which dogs pick, at least in this part of town so its looking good. We opted for a nicer hotel tonight as a few other teams had booked or decided to come here too.

The drive was relatively uneventful apart from a flat tyre when driving through a windy mountainous forested stretch of road. Monkeys were around but not where we had to change the tyre, which I was pretty glad about. I have seen what monkeys do to people in other countries and now I like to maintain some distance from them. After changing the tyre - which I did while Uncle Red single handedly lifted and held the Shaw up on two wheels - we took it to a tyre man in a small village on the way. He put in a new tube, cleaned it all up and charged us 220 rupees or about AU$4.50 for the hour's work. We engineered more necessities in our Shaw including second tea cup holder, iPod hanging sleeve and USB charger (maybe that was yesterday). It's possible to now enjoy a nice cup of chai while riding in the back of the rickshaw. I need to source an insulation for our tea canister so it keeps the tea warm now...

Cracking On

After our shortest effort yesterday (70 km), today marked our longest thus far, just shy of 400 km.

In large part this was thanks to the government of Madhya Pradesh, home to the best roads (thus far according to WE), trees, boulders, and relatively frequent dead livestock. The last of which could not be seen, but was still easily detectable, despite travelling through at 40-50 km/h.

So, many boulders, many trees, and also trees on boulders with houses underneath, as well as sweeping vistas from the beginning of Indi's central plateau.

Culturally, things became a little more friendly. We met several walkers making a several hundred km trek back to their home town from Varanasi. Smiling and waving slowly became more of a norm again. On the flip side, I also got soaked by a pitcher of water tossed at the rickshaw by a cheeky looking teenage girl.

Let us hope we keep making this kind of ground. Our aim is to push for distance for three or four days to leave time for a bit more traditional tourism at some of the southern sites. Ellie is still doing well post carburettor clean and Varanasi tune up.