How to avoid hemorrhoids - 101

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Dragonmart Dubai, 12 July

 

"zig zag, zig zag!!!" that was the exclamation of our new largesse Syrian friend, who I may have called Santa Claus had we not been in the middle of Ramadan. 

 

"like the man and the woman...doing the...."  he chuckled and shook like a little girl before revealing in very broken English that he hadn't had any for 9 months.  I guess the abstinence required in Ramadan came early (no pun intended).

 

PJ had travelled across Dubai to the somewhat legendary Dragonmart, a massive conglomeration of small trading outlets that had we been outdoors could have placed us in China.  shops named "love you long time trading LLC" and "hello kitty lights" were passed as we weaved our way in search of foam mattresses.

 

Let me take a step back.  In February, we spent the week end in Delhi to try and find a mechanic that may teach us a few things about operating this ride-on lawnmower equivalent.  During this time, we spent about 5 hours in a rickshaw and found myself already developing a touch of dead-derriere.  Instead of then doing the right thing and pushing hard to learn about the mechanics, we invested in the afternoon in preparation for a rickshaw redecoration and importantly, measurements for a more comfortable journey.

 

And there we were: Dragonmart with an Ipad full of Rickshaw photos and a pad of measurements and drawings.  Well sketches really, certainly not something as skilled as pythagoris as he beguiled the philosophical world with ideas of the triangle.

 

 

We waited for over an hour for our new Syrian friends, as we had stupidly timed our visit with Iftar, the breaking of the fast for our Muslim mates.  Balancing a cup of tea in 1 hand and trying to gesture a rickshaw with the other, we managed to describe the requirements for our new home. A 10cm thick foam seat front and back, with a water proof cover and red & grey exterior, with a slightly Arabic cum Indian look.  The discussion about whether we needed a zip for the cover took considerable time, though the deliberation was saved for the subject of the Zigzag, the man and the woman.  Somehow we explained the need to attach them to the existing seat and being super security conscious, we figured we'd need to take them in every night as of course an arabic style sofa is the pride of any man's tuk tuk.  Unfortunately explaining the built in donut cushion for myself was just too hard.

 

 

Then came the negotiation...the three of us in huddles, the giant calculator which was surely a gift from Hello Kitty LLC next door.  The tea was replenished, the hand movements extreme and with my claim of "Its Ramadan, there must be a charitable special price".  4 new seats and the zig-zag, which will probably last 1 day, we're secured for around $350.  This may sound excessive and a luxury, though I equate this to the same investment as recovering from a hang over.  You spend almost as much as you did on booze the night before on everything from panadol to a dirty bucket of the Colonel's finest to expedite the recovery that won't come. i.e. its worth it.

 

I've just hung up the phone from our friends at Dragonmart.  All I could hear was "red yes, red?" We're yet to see the workmanship and frankly, there could be no zig-zag for any of us.

[](http://120.72.90.83/rprt/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/The-Haggle.jpg)