Its officially over, I am back in britannia.
Well all you followers of my African qdventure. It has officially drawn to a close. I flew into heathrow airport at 10:10 friday am. This was down to lack of funds and lack of any oppertunities in Cameroon. I tried finding something out there but to no avail, then i ran out of cash, so was forced to take a flight homeward bound.
Its been a hell of an adventure, i met alot of very very cool people along the way, saw alot of awesome things and drove a good 10000 miles (nearly exactly) across Europe and Africa. Thank you for all your support and interest and knw that the charity fund could do with some more of your spondoolix. See you as soon as i get back to dorset... maybe in a week.
All Finished
Cathy and I finally finished the rally in Douala, Cameroon, on 16 September, exactly one month after the official finish date. We then celebrated in style down at Kribi beach with our final two-car convoy composed of us and Belle the Micra, containing Mad Mike (the Democratic Republic one man team) and Si (of the dead SuperNovas).
As you would have gathered from our SMS updates, the Panda (or 'Pandy Bear' as Cath would pleadingly call her when she started to play up) died 600 km before the finish in a town called Bertoa in eastern Cameroon. Prior to that we had managed to deal with the broken leaf springs, stuffed radiator, dented rear section, non-existant windscreen wipers and leaking head gasket. But when the gear box literally exploded (while Si was driving), there was not much that could be done, my motto of 'just drive her till she drives no more' finally came true. It was a brutal scene, the oil spilling out of the gear box was Pandy's blood, falling down to stain the road below. Cath cleverly wondering whether all would be well if she just filled up the water one more time. Funnily enough, it didn't help. So the beautiful Micra Belle kindly towed us to the next town, despite an opportunistic policeman who suddenly decided towing was illegal in Cameroon (cost: one smelly old T-shirt 'present' for his wife, may she forever enjoy be smelling our sweat!).
Unfortunately, despite our amazing luck at finding Fiat Panda spares on the road to Timbuktu, a spare Panda gear box was not awaiting us in Bertoa. The friendly mechanic just shook his head and commented 'Fiat ....... Italy.....' as though it was the other side of the moon. It may have well have been.
So, sadly, that night we arranged for the Panda to travel quite precariously in a big truck to Douala (see the photos in the gallery), while Cath and I would take the bus.  We went to drown our sorrows at a wake for the Panda in the 'Bertoa Terraz Piattza Night Club'. There we were unfortunately introdused to 'Whisky Black' (coke and whisky) which was cheaper to buy than just straight coke and I don't remember much else of the night except waking up on the floor of Si and Mike's room, in the 'dog house'.
The last 600 km in the bus was uneventful (albeit cramped in a bus and missing our car) and soon enough we were reunited with the Panda, who had such an enjoyable trip in the truck that somehow some of the gears were back in place and she could move again. We handed her over to the hotel and then hit the beach for a good time.
At the beach with Si and Mike, we made a list of our worsts and bests. I'll write it down here for what it is worth:
**Weirdest Country: **Mauritania. It really was a bizarre place. The men wee by crouching down like a girl and threading their penises out through their Jedi-like outfits. The coup, and our convoy breaking down outside the radio station in the middle of it all (thanks Supernovas!), just made it all the more surreal. The 'evil' army coup plotters were very nice to us though, and gave us friendly waves from behind their big guns.
**Favourite Country: **Opinions were mixed but Cameroon and Mali both featured high. Cameroon was fun in its own nutty way. Visiting pygmies, hiking in the Mandara mountains, our failed mission to see Elephants (we lacked the right documents even though they were only 4 km away) and our river guide having a fist fight with some other bloke, while standing in our canoe, were all good times. Mali, Timbuktu and the Dogon county were all fasconating and we are glad that we stayed so long there.
**Favourite Person we Met: **Sugiyanto, a street smart nine-year-old in Timbuktu. He showed us around for an evening with grand aplomb. When we asked him for somewhere good to eat, he replied without missing a beat like a porter at a 5 star hotel: "Certainly sir, I can recommend to you an excellent restaurant right next to the grand market".
**Favourite Food: **Morrocan Tajines. YUM.
**Least Favourite Food: **I really don't want to eat Niger millet pudding again.
**Most Stupid Bureacrats: **Nigeria. Such a hassle to get visas and then to get into. I don't really see how Cathy and I rated a one-hour interview with the state security man at the border. Nice enough country otherwise but we were happy enough to whiz through.
**Favourite Scenery:** Mine was driving along the coast in Morrocan West Sahara. You could stop and any point and wander down to the cliffs and sit and ponder the Atlantic. Towns like Tafaya and Dakhla wage a losing battle in trying to clear sand out of their streets. Cath's vote goes to the beautiful escarpment cliff in the Dogon country.
**Funniest Scam: **Getting convinced, along with many other teams, to buy 'American Legend' cigarettes in Western Sahara on the basis that they worked as a currency to buy fuel in the desert. They don't work. That bloke made a mint out of rally participants.  He is probably dreaming of how much he can make next year as I type.
**Funniest Moments: **A hard one, with close contenders being (i) when Rich Scousers' tent flew away in a huge storm (with Rich inside), (ii) Nova being crashed by an 18-yr old unlicensed French hitchhiker, whom one the boys might have had a crush on and (iii) my police detention after dressing as a smurf in Timbuktu. But the winner was eventually declared to be: any moment involving Alfredo, particularly those when he sang, tried to speak French, or had a few beers.
That's about it.Â
**Thank you so much to everyone who sponsored a smurf and to those who read our blogs (that's you Jase). Also big thanks to all the teams in front of us - especially the Black Sheep, the Scaredy Cats and the ****Scousers - who provided us with advice all the time. Coming last in a rally can have advantages.  Finally to the fantastic teams we had the pleasure of travelling with - YOU ROCK! Novas helped with everything from spare piercings (!) to eye-spy to radio installations. Scousers for being amazing "movers of stuff" and walkie-talkie singalongers. Mad Mike for the towing, the endless jokes and making the world less boring. The police car for donating maps, roof-racks and enthusiasm to go on. The lovely Lily for her company and setting a landspeed record in the Panda.  To the Desperados, Jose Antonio and Alfredo, for their amazing Mexican hospitality in agreeing to take Cath without a moment's hesitation and being a wonderful source of knowledge and entertainment. Jose, we finished for you, and we look forward to sponsoring you for the Mongol (not in an SJ though)!**
**And to anyone, like my mum, who is wondering .... YES, we would do it all again in a second. But we would probably not take a FIAT.**
Finished
Ok..... i finished on the 16th but then i went to the beached and bodyborded for a while. Cest la vie. The aussies have flown home, si flies tonight then as of tommorow im on my lonesome in a strange country with nothing particularly to do. I have a week to find some sort of adventture... it will be fine.
Thanks to all my wellwishers...the car made it and very well. Only a broken rear window and dirty carb to worry about, so no real problems. Missing England a little, but in love with travelling.... so see you when i do.
SMS Update
casualty list: windscreen cracked, mirror cracked, exhaust 4 times broke, valve, piston rings, roof rack bounced to buggery, side door not opening, drivers door not shutting, back door not opening, 3 x door locks, back door crashed into, roof almost caved in, 2 x rear lights, 1 x headlight, oil consumpsion keeping O.P.E.C. in business, low compression, blown out sparkplug, all plugs destroyed, 4 x tyres, a few dings here + there, breaks fixed a few times + now virtually non existant,...and the wheel...did i mention about the wheel...???.. THE END.
SMS Update
in the dark, rain storm + mad, crazy, busy roads, van on its last legs....WE ENTER DOUALA!! The fucking victorious Desert Scousers. Dumped the bitch (the van) at the designated finish line, hand over the keys + v5, + fuck off back to blighty on next flight.
